Code bores.

A dick swinging contest in freezing cold weather impresses no one.

Where would we be without some good old fashioned mud-slinging between the two pre-eminent rugby variants in Australia (I know there isn’t others but I’m trying to be catchy here) warring for turf and talent in a bitter and escalating series of juvenile tit for tat insults and quips that would make a 14 year old losing a game of Call of Duty blush.

To flesh out some context, just in case you, dear reader, have somehow been under a rock for the last month, much of this verbal repartee was ignited by the “coup” of Rugby Australia penning Roosters teenager Joseph-Aukuso Sua’ali’i to a mammoth contract starting in 2025.

For what it’s worth, the mere mechanics of the deal being legal are absolutely insane in the scope of professional sports around the world. We bemoan the length of time in advance that an NRL player can sign with a rival club (12 months prior to the expiration of a current contract), so the fact a rival code can swan in unimpeded basically two years out is, for lack of a better word, batshit insane.

I’m not going to get too into the weeds on the specific Sua’ali’i situation here, but I did write a longer form article over on the main website if you want my overall thoughts on that situation, which you can check out at the below link.

Beyond the Fence: Burning bridges to own the Wallabies.

Back to the matter at hand, though, and that’s the sniping from either side of the divide that has, for reasons I can’t fully understand, dominated the media landscape over the last couple of weeks.

Some personal context. I was raised very much in a rugby league household. My dad will tell anyone who listens how he played lower grade footy for Western Suburbs back in the 70s and 80s.

But I also went to a rugby school, and I’ve seen the privilege granted to those that play the fifteen man game. Countless Friday assemblies spent standing in a freezing cold quadrangle while we were fed tales about yet another First XV loss to a country footy factory in Orange or Bathurst. School flashbacks aside, rusted on rugby types can get very insular about their sport.

Code wars are tiring. In the melting pot that is the Australian sporting landscape, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to find positive affirmation and genuine promotion of a sport without it being linked, either subconciously or directly, to a smear of a rival.

The “you wouldn’t see that in [insert rival here]” needs to stop, because it helps no one.

More specifically to rugby league and rugby, because I don’t want to devolve this into a general sports politics discussion because that isn’t the prevalent matter at hand right now, the way the two codes and, especially, the leadership and prominent voices of said codes, have carried themselves in the wake of the Sua’ali’i defection has been downright embarrassing.

Signing Sua’ali’i should absolutely be viewed as a win for rugby in Australia. A marketable young athlete who grew up in your game, you shouldn’t have to resort to some thinly veiled postcode racism to glow up your brand new signing.

Bored in the game of rugby? He's got so much to look forward to, the British and Irish Lions, your home Rugby World Cup. Do you want to play in Penrith? Or do you want to play in Paris? It's pretty easy.

- Tim Horan

I must have missed the memo about Penrith being the far reaches of modern society? Also, just quietly, I’ve been to Paris, a more overrated global city you cannot find.

But specifically, do you know where your new messianic signing is from? Shock, it’s Penrith. It’s a pretty bold strategy to sign a kid and then publicly trash his hometown all in the name of cheap point scoring, but then again I’m not paid for my opinions so maybe I’m off the mark here.

Horan’s comments were a response to, unsurprisingly, a bit of sophisticated wordsmithing* from NRL supremo Peter V’Landys, who claimed Sua’ali’i would wind up becoming “terribly bored” in rugby, and eventually return to the NRL.

*see: blithering jibber-jabber

A tame comment in the scope of nonsense that we’ve heard over the years, but unnecessary nonetheless. It’s just not a good look for the administration of one of Australia’s most popular sporting leagues to lower themselves to silly potshots, even if this one specifically was more personal opinion than tactical shot across the bows of the Gilbert enthusiasts (do rugby still use Gilbert balls?).

This rugby skirmish is the latest in a growing line of childish politicking by V’Landys in the name of promotion via defamation. Remember this classic about the AFL amidst an interview laced with unfathomable hubris, claiming he saved the AFL through strong leadership he showed via the NRL’s earlier start post-lockdown.

“I’ve never been a fan and I don’t want to take anything away from the great athletes of the AFL … they are great athletes and they have to be because it is such a boring sport.

“I can’t get enthused on it, and that’s just me, but there’s a lot of other people that love the sport, but they must love a lot of other boring things too.”

- Peter V’Landys

Again, unnecessary and seemingly unprompted.

The damage this sort of tact does is incalculable due to the environment it breeds, as a horde of copycat sycophants adopt a similarly infantile arsenal of unprovoked quips. It’s only plain to see around the Sua’ali’i defection. Players switching codes is a tale as old as time. Joseph isn’t the first and he sure as hell won’t be the last. The alienation of him by prominent voices in the media, the good-riddance attitudes, paint rugby league as an insular us-against-them horde of barbarians hurr-durring against change.

Rugby Australia chairman Hamish McLennan noted as much after it was revealed he and former Wallaby Phil Waugh met with Sua’ali’i for coffee after signing his deal, claiming the meeting was a check up with their newest asset after the barrage of criticism the teenager copped from various quarters.

As well-intentioned as that may be, Rugby Australia are hardly blameless in the shit flinging, but how much of that is as a result of the cracks in the NRL administration?

As much as I disagree with the overall politicking, I find it hard to blame the strategy adopted by McLennan, egged on by the bleating of V’Landys and co, even if the subject matter he’s using is extremely lame. As Abraham Lincoln once said, it’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool, rather than speak and remove all doubt.

Still, rugby is in such a precarious position in Australia I don’t know how much bravado it can handle before the house of cards collapses. Call me crazy but I don’t think an optimal recruiting and retention strategy is to flirt with stars of rival codes in the media, promising holidays and expensive gifts, while your current committed pool battle to make any inroads in the sport.

Speaking of promises, I’ve been following, against my better judgement, the propaganda coming out of Rugby Australia recently as they try to capitalise on this newfound momentum and attention to sell their game to players and fans alike.

Take a look at this quote, as well as that one above about playing in Paris vs. Penrith.

“Nathan Cleary wasn’t on the original list as we thought he’d be untouchable, but he said he’d be open to a switch.

I’d forgotten he’d spent time growing up in New Zealand, so he appreciates the game and gets it. Imagine him running out in front of 85,000 people wearing Wallaby gold at Stade de France. Mind-blowing.

If you haven’t seen it, go on YouTube and type in ‘Wallabies’ national anthem at Twickenham’, Murrayfield, which is my favourite, or Stade de France and you’ll get what I mean. We don’t encourage people to break contracts but it’s up to him. There’s many good overseas tours he could do.”

- Hamish McLennan

Based on this, I can accurately summarise that the two biggest benefits of switching to Rugby Australia are:

1. People singing the national anthem

2. You don’t actually play in Australia

The notion that rugby has a monopoly on atmosphere is amusing. Clearly McLennan has never witnessed a State of Origin encounter in a packed Suncorp or Accor/ANZ/whatever the hell it’s called now. And you don’t have to sit on a plane for 30 hours to do that either.

Seeing the world as a selling point for your sport might have worked in the 1970s, but it makes no difference now. Players travel all over the world in their offseasons anyway. Just last year there was a World Cup (rugby league has those too) in the UK, after which many players took extended vacations around Europe.

Travel for work or travel for holidays? I know what I prefer.

A hearty chuckle at “we don’t encourage players to break contracts, buuuuuuuut if he wants to we can talk.” Very ethical, well done Hamish. You administrators are all different species of the same snakes when you have to be.

The peacocking for talent won’t end at Sua’ali’i. Cameron Murray, Payne Haas, Will Penisini, Angus Crichton and Nathan Cleary have all been identified as potential targets on rugby’s hitlist.

I got through all of this without even mentioning the return of Roger Tuivasa-Sheck from his rugby sabbatical. To those hanging out Sua’ali’i to dry, see? They always come home. Grow up.

Pursuing elite talent for your game is fine.

It doesn’t need to be a schoolyard he said she said.

I’ll let Dave Ray and Christian Welch have the final say (Twitter embeds still not working so you’ll have to settle for a screenshot).

Hear hear.

POSTSCRIPT

As you may be aware, Twitter and Substack are in an ongoing war (not unlike the two parties in the above newsletter), namely around Substack’s Notes feature and it’s threat to Twitter.

The result of this is Twitter embeds aren’t working on Substack, as I noted above, but more importantly, it’s becoming increasingly hard to share these newsletters on Twitter due to the Twitter algorithm not being kind to Substack.

Bearing that in mind, if you do enjoy these and know of someone else who might too, I’d encourage you to pass them on directly. I’ll continue to forge ahead in the uphill battle of Twitter promotion, but I appreciate any shares directly from you.

Also, as an aside, I would also recommend downloading the Substack app. It’s a (in my opinion) nicer readable interface than straight email, and all your subscriptions can be easily managed and viewed on the one central hub.